Goodbye Gold Stars: The Power of Defining Your North Star
- Dr. Nicole Forrest
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
Table of Contents
As a millennial, I remember receiving those participation ribbons at the end of field day because, to be quite honest, I was not very athletic. I would never have received the first, second, or third-place ribbons.
In an attempt to make me feel valued, the adults gave me a ribbon because, yay I participated. This external validation didn’t work. I could see through the ruse of providing everyone with a ribbon.
Fast forward a couple of decades, and I now know that those ribbons were a misguided attempt to ensure we all felt seen, valued, and appreciated.
This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop covering the concepts of Teaching with Dignity by Floyd Cobb and John Krownapple. The time was meaningful and already has me thinking of ways to bring the knowledge back to our equity team and school community.
However, one point that was brought up did not sit well with me: recognition.
After too many nights questioning my competence because someone didn’t hand me the metaphorical gold star, I made a quiet but life-changing shift: I stopped outsourcing my validation.
I want to make clear that I am not adverse to recognition. It, of course, feels good in the moment and can serve its place as long as it is authentic and not manipulative. What I am proposing is an alternate path so that we are not dependent upon the carrots that others dangle in front of us. 🥕
Instead, let’s lean into our internal metrics, values, and ethics to determine whether or not we have done a “good job.”
In this week’s post, I’ll explain my shift toward defining my North Star and some of the research that supports this approach as a healthier, more sustainable way to be. Then, I’ll provide five practices you can begin implementing to move in this direction.
Choosing Another Path: Redefining Praise for Educators
I’ve been in classrooms and school leadership spaces for almost fifteen years, and one truth remains constant: someone always has an opinion about what educators are doing right or wrong.
Test scores. Curriculum choices. Classroom management. The way you said good morning. In education, external scrutiny is relentless. For years, many of us (myself included) tied our professional worth to the volume and source of praise we received. A glowing observation? Oxygen. A critical email? Devastating.
That’s a recipe for burnout and full-blown imposter syndrome.
After many a discussion with loved ones too many nights questioning my competence because someone didn’t hand me the metaphorical gold star, I made a quiet but life-changing shift: I stopped outsourcing my validation.
I’m not talking about arrogance.
I’m talking about defining your own North Star and having the deep, grounded knowledge that your worth as an educator is not determined by surveys, walk-throughs, or whether you were selected to present at a conference.
Having a North Star means you measure yourself against your own clearly defined values, ethics, and professional standards and not the shifting, sometimes manipulative, expectations of others.
People who have a North Star are humble enough to seek feedback and hungry enough to keep growing, but they don’t hand over the emotional keys to their self-worth.
Research supports what many of us feel intuitively: educators who cultivate a strong North Star experience lower levels of emotional exhaustion and higher job satisfaction (Collie, Granziera, & Martin, 2018). When we stop tying our identity to external approval, we become more resilient in the face of criticism, an unfortunate daily reality in our field (Skaalvik & Skaalvik, 2017).
Some worry that trusting your own judgment looks like hubris, the death knell for many a Shakespearean character. The opposite is true.
People who have a North Star are humble enough to seek feedback and hungry enough to keep growing, but they don’t hand over the emotional keys to their self-worth. They remain grounded in their moral purpose: doing what’s right for students.
As Brené Brown (2017) writes in Braving the Wilderness, true belonging begins when we “stand in our own worth” rather than hustling for approval. For educators, that means knowing that your dignity, value, and impact do not live in a plaque, title, or perfect evaluation score.
5 Practices to Own Your Voice
You don’t need another person’s permission to know you’re doing good work. Below are five practices you can implement to stop relying on external sources. Choose the ones that feel good to you, and I assure you, you’ll start seeing shifts.
1. Create your North Star
Define what matters to you and will guide you in your work. To do this, take 20 minutes and finish these sentences:
I believe every child deserves…
The hill I will die on in education is…
My classroom/school exists to…
I refuse to…
Keep this document somewhere sacred. When the noise gets loud (angry email, harsh observation, social-media pile-on), come back to it. This is your North Star. External validation will never trump a belief system you wrote when nobody was watching.
Research supports what many of us feel intuitively: educators who cultivate a strong North Star experience lower levels of emotional exhaustion and higher job satisfaction (Collie, Granziera, & Martin, 2018).
2. Create a personal rubric for success
District rubrics measure compliance. Your rubric measures alignment with your values. Choose 3-5 core concepts that align with your North Star (relationships, joy, etc.) At the end of each month, score yourself on your criteria.
Your score is the one that matters, because it’s measured against the educator you promised to be.
3. Practice the 24-hour rule with feedback
When someone critiques your work, thank them, write it down, and sit on it for 24 hours. Then ask yourself two questions:
“Does this conflict with my dignity or my students’ dignity?” → If yes, politely stand firm.
“Does this help me live my North Star better?” → If yes, act on it. Everything else is noise.
4. Stop announcing your wins on social media for 30 days
Social media can be great for connecting, but it can be toxic for those who are trying to become grounded in their North Star.
Post nothing about how hard you worked or how great your lesson or meeting was.
Notice how it feels to celebrate privately. Feel proud and accomplished on your own. You do not need others to acknowledge your work.
5. Speak your truth out loud
In a faculty meeting, professional learning, or a casual hallway conversation, say the thing that aligns with your North Star, even if it’s unpopular. The more you practice using your voice when the stakes are small, the easier it becomes to trust that voice when the stakes feel enormous.
One Last Thought
For those of you who might still be waiting to feel recognized for your accomplishments - stop.
Get off the hamster wheel of approval, ribbons, trophies, and gold stars.
Define your own star. 🌟
You don’t have to wait for the email, the award, or the perfect observation. You already know when you’ve shown up fully. You already know when you’ve taught or led with rigor and care. You already know your worth.
Start trusting your own voice first. The rest is just noise.
References
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House.
Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high-achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241–247.
Cobb, F., & Krownapple, J. (2025). Teaching with Dignity Solution Tree Press.
Collie, R. J., Granziera, H., & Martin, A. J. (2018). Teachers’ psychological functioning in the workplace: Exploring the roles of contextual beliefs, need satisfaction, and personal characteristics. Journal of Educational Psychology, 110(2), 167–185.
Hicks, D. (2018). Leading with dignity: How to create a culture that brings out the best in people. Yale University Press.
Skaalvik, E. M., & Skaalvik, S. (2017). Still motivated to teach? A study of school context variables, stress and strain among teachers. Teaching and Teacher Education, 65, 140–152.
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