How to Handle Challenging Meetings: 6 Grounding Strategies for When the Room Gets Tense
- Dr. Nicole Forrest
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
Table of Contents
You’re moving through your meeting agenda when suddenly, someone raises a hand. You nod, ready to listen, and then—bam—a pointed question or flippant comment lands in the room. It happens. And when it does, all eyes naturally turn to you. 👀
Throughout my career, I’ve seen these moments handled with grace… and others that, unfortunately, left a mark. I’ve even been on the receiving end of these tough interactions, and I know how disorienting it can feel.
But here’s the truth: how we respond in these moments reveals our leadership more than any prepared presentation or agenda. Not because we have all the answers, but because we show how we handle challenges, emotions, and people.
Why Do People Ask Pointed Questions or Make Flippant Comments?
Early in my career, a colleague jokingly said to me, “That sounds like a you problem.” It made me laugh at the time - but over the years, I’ve come to see that many difficult comments in meetings stem from internal challenges the speaker is navigating.
Research backs this up. People often use sharp questions or sarcasm in meetings as a way to signal status, manage how they’re perceived, or protect themselves in environments that feel unsafe (Fast et al., 2012; Bolino et al., 2008; Edmondson, 1999). Sometimes it’s about wanting to be seen. Other times, it’s about not wanting to be seen as vulnerable. Either way, the root is often more about fear or uncertainty than it is about confrontation.
People often use sharp questions or sarcasm in meetings as a way to signal status, manage how they’re perceived, or protect themselves in environments that feel unsafe (Fast et al., 2012; Bolino et al., 2008; Edmondson, 1999).
So, how do we respond in ways that are calm, constructive, and human? Below are six strategies that have helped me navigate tense moments with confidence and compassion.
6 Strategies to Navigate Challenging Moments in Meetings
Even with clear norms and strong relationships, tough moments will arise. Whether it's grandstanding, misplaced frustration, or someone unintentionally stirring the pot, your role as the leader is to keep the space steady and anchored. Here’s what I come back to in those moments:
1. Breathe First
Take a breath—literally. Before responding, pause. That pause is powerful. A few seconds of breathing helps calm your nervous system and gives you time to gather your thoughts. I recently heard on a podcast that breath is our first line of defense against emotional reactivity. I’ve found that to be so true.
Responding too quickly can escalate tension. A breath helps you stay grounded so you can lead with clarity, not emotion.
2. QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally
This one is a favorite reminder—QTIP. When someone’s comment feels sharp or personal, it’s easy to absorb it emotionally. But most of the time, that comment says more about what they’re carrying than it does about you.
If there’s something valuable hidden in their delivery, take it. Reflect on it. But don’t let pride or defensiveness stop you from leading with grace.
3. Lead with Curiosity
Curiosity softens everything. Ask yourself: What might be going on for this person right now? What are they really trying to say beneath the tone?
When we get curious, we shift from reacting to understanding. Not every concern will be realistic or actionable, but even unrealistic concerns come from real emotions. Leading with curiosity keeps the door open for connection—even when it's hard.
You don’t have to match someone’s energy. You set the tone. Protecting your calm protects the climate of the room.
4. Defer and Confer
If the moment catches you off guard—or if you’re unsure of the full context—it’s perfectly okay to say, “That’s a great question. Let me think about it and get back to you.”
This gives you space to process and consult with your team. It’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom. And when you follow up later, you model thoughtfulness and integrity.
5. Stay Classy and Composed
Easier said than done, right? But staying composed, especially when tensions rise, is one of the most powerful things you can do as a leader. Silence is a tool. So is tone. If you feel yourself heating up, pause again. Breathe. Regulate.
You don’t have to match someone’s energy. You set the tone. Protecting your calm protects the climate of the room.
6. Close the Circle
Don’t let tough moments go unaddressed. After emotions settle—whether later that day or the next—circle back with the individual. Do so with curiosity and care.
You might say something like, "Thank you for bringing up your concern. I’ve had time to think through it more and wanted to share where I’m coming from."
This step not only models professionalism but also offers an opportunity for repair and relationship-building. As Jimmy Casas writes in Recalibrate, these follow-up conversations can be the most transformational if handled with empathy and clarity.
One Last Thought
Even with all these tools, these moments are still hard. Your heart might race. Your cheeks may flush. That’s human. You’re human.
But at the end of the day, I believe this: most people are doing the best they can with the tools they have. That includes the people asking the tough questions—and it includes you, too.
Recently, I came across the beautiful book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy. One line the sage horse says has stayed with me: “Don’t measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated.”
So the next time the temperature rises in a meeting, take a breath, lean into grace, and remind yourself—you don’t have to control the room. You just have to lead it with dignity and control your response.
References
Bolino, M. C., Kacmar, K. M., Turnley, W. H., & Gilstrap, J. B. (2008). A multi-level review of impression management motives and behaviors. Journal of Management, 34(6), 1080–1109. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206308324325
Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383. https://doi.org/10.2307/2666999
Fast, N. J., Halevy, N., & Galinsky, A. D. (2012). The destructive nature of power without status. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(1), 190–200. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2011.06.013
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