Handling Tough Feedback as a School Leader: When to Change Course and When to Stay the Path
- Dr. Nicole Forrest
- Aug 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 18
Table of Contents
My fingers quickly tapped away at my laptop’s keys. It felt as if I tapped fast enough, I could run away from the feedback I was receiving. I tried to distract and calm myself through this fidget-like motion. But when the tapping stopped, I was left with a resounding truth - the feedback I received challenged something I’ve worked diligently to build.
I had learned that a structure I believed was supporting staff did not land well for a few. How many? I’m not quite sure, but enough to have a conversation about it and leave me reeling
To guide my reflection, I revisited the Feedforward Framework, a tool I created to help individuals navigate the feedback process. I hoped it would ground me and enable me to find some nuggets of truth or wisdom and plan forward.
What I discovered was that the initial Feedforward Framework was missing a few critical components.
A Walk Through the Feedforward Framework: A Fork in the Road to Feedback
In the previous Feedforward Framework, I outlined five key steps:
Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personally)
Lead with Curiosity
Plan Forward
Implement
Reflect and Gather More Feedback
To help reflect on the situation, I walked myself through the steps. But as I did so, I realized something was missing – something that could also help others grapple with challenging feedback.
Q-Tip: Quit Taking it Personally
This step was tough for me, even though it is one of my mantras. My first reaction to the feedback was a surge of consternation tinged with, yes, even anger. But the act of typing, of deep breathing, of sitting with it instead of reacting, helped me keep my emotions at bay.
Now that I am a bit removed, I can see more clearly. I understand that you can’t make everyone happy. And, I’ve also come to realize something I didn’t initially consider – feedback can be used as a form of control.
This, of course, does not apply to the 97% of well-intentioned, thoughtful feedback we receive. But there are those 3% who share feedback shaped by personal agendas as they try to steer the work in a direction that benefits a few rather than our purpose. This nuance matters.
Lead with Curiosity
Despite my emotions, I’m proud to say I did Lead with Curiosity. I asked questions. Kept an open mind. And I listened. I was trying to understand why staff might not find value in the activity we were engaging in.
I am one to learn, grow, and consider feedback, but as I listened, reflected, and pitter-pattered on my keyboard, something felt off. I began to wonder if there was something else to the feedback I was receiving.
Missing Step: Reflect on your Values
When someone critiques an idea, structure, or strategy you’re implementing, it’s critical to pause and reflect:
Will changing course take me further away from my core values and intended outcomes?
If the answer is yes, then you may need to reconsider how you respond to that feedback.
There might be a kernel of truth to the feedback that you can implement and use to slightly adjust your plan. Other times, this may not be the case. Currently, I am in a different place:
I recommitted to the very structure being questioned.
The Fork in the Framework: Two Possible Paths
This is where the Feedforward Framework needs a fork - a deliberate decision point.
After you reflect on your values, you can choose one of two paths:
Path A: Adjust the Plan
Use the feedback to refine or evolve your approach.
Implement the change.
Gather feedback and continue refining.
Path B: Recommit and Recommunicate
Stay the course if the plan aligns with your values and broader goals.
Clearly articulate the why behind your decision.
Monitor the path forward and continue listening.
Currently, I am firmly on Path B. Do aspects of what we are doing make some individuals displeased? Yes. Can I control for that? Not really unless I want to remove our structure and divert us from the path forward. Abandoning the structure we are using would mean abandoning the progress we have made thus far.
We can’t - and shouldn’t - strive to make everyone happy. That’s an unrealistic and even dangerous expectation. As leaders, we aim to foster belonging, clarity, and purpose. Not every decision a leader makes will be loved by all.
This has been one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as I have progressed throughout my career.
Monitor the Path
Even if you are recommitting to your initial plan, you don’t turn off your radar. I continue to monitor the structure we’ve implemented. If signs begin to show that it truly is working against our intended outcomes and purpose, then yes, a change will be necessary.
A few ripples in the water are no reason to abandon ship. Watch for the waves. Look for the typhoon. Listen with intentionality and discernment. This is what I’ll be doing.
One Last Thought
While the Feedforward Framework has helped me and others handle and engage with feedback constructively, it wasn’t complete when it was initially published.
As leaders, we must reflect on the veracity of the feedback we receive and consider the root cause. Is it meant to improve outcomes or preserve comfort? We also need to consider whether the feedback will pull us away from our values or push us closer to them.
So I’m revising the framework. After “Reflect on Your Values,” a fork emerges:
Adjust the Plan
Recommit and Recommunicate
And either way, you Monitor the Path forward.
For now, staying the course is the right thing. And that’s not resistance – that’s leadership committed to clarity, courage, and purpose.
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